Sometimes I feel way too sensitive. I know, believe me….. I know.
But lately I have felt invisible.
There are times when I feel as though my smile, or my kindness is taken for granted.
I don’t have a sign that says walk on me posted on my forehead either. Something has been bugging the s**t out of me.
I love my friends and I am grateful to have them in my life… but there are times… when I would like to talk.
I have things to say too. I want to participate, not just sit there smiling and nodding. I am more than a listener. I am patient while they go into detail about kids, husbands, boyfriends, jobs, school, illnesses, etc. Long drawn out details. I hate it when I have to jump in quickly to get a word in edgewise and then get interrupted just because I paused to take a breath of air! This does not happen all the time but lately I have noticed that it has happened on several occasions and with different people.
If I want to say something I have to talk fast and get straight to the point and do it as quickly as possible before they take back the conversation and I find myself nodding my head just sitting there being talked at. My neck gets stiff and I start to get a headache. Maybe it takes more effort to listen? Perhaps even more effort when you are not participating in two way speech. I’ve been looking towards my own self esteem issues trying to figure out what kind of signal I might be sending. Things have been tough in my life but not recently I’ve felt much better and moving into a positive direction. My self esteem should be fine. Not that I could discuss it. I don’t get a chance to talk, remember? LOL! Anyway. It’s not with all of my friends that this occurs. In most settings everything flows naturally, and I really enjoy the company. Laughter and talking are an ease and all participate equally.
When I am with a friend who goes on and on about themselves giving every mundane detail without any comment from me other than an “ooh or ah or really”; then I begin to consider that my feelings or thoughts don’t matter much to them. I’m warm and breathing after all. Should be good enough, huh? =) Then I think, why be friends with this person? I’m friends because I like them and other than monopolizing the conversation, they are pretty nice people.
I wonder if I matter at all to them. I probably do. Or maybe not?
Everybody matters, I think. Some folks just don’t notice what they are doing. I always try my best to be considerate; to include everyone and treat all as though they are worthwhile. I never have my back on anybody when we are in a group. If I have to move my chair or change my position I will always open up a space for them to join in so that nobody feels outside the group. I don’t like feeling excluded either, so I try really hard not to do that to anybody.
I really do enjoy listening to people tell funny stories and talk about their life. I do. It just feels much better when I also get to share and take part and be listened to. I know I can’t be the only one who has this problem at times. Do you ever feel invisible in a group or like someone is talking at you instead of with you? It’s like being a third wheel and I don’t like it one bit. I can’t really say that I would stop being friends with the offenders because they are not bad people, just a bit inconsiderate and I don’t know the proper way to tell them this. Why? Because I’m too damned sensitive and I don’t want to hurt their feelings so I’ll swallow the notion and stew in it. LOL!!!
It’s not easy being me.
I don’t know if any of my friends read my blog but if you are one of my friends and you think you might be one of the people who talks on and on. Don’t ask me if you are because I won’t tell you. But here’s an idea for everyone…. The next time you are visiting with friends be sure that you are not the only one doing the talking. =) Spend some time listening too. Everybody has a better time when they get to interact in the conversation.