Emma Hill Music

Photo By Susan Dominguez

I’m not real experienced at how to mend friendships.

At this point in my life I hold dear the people I’ve laughed and cried with over the years.

Anytime there is a closeness, the road can get bumpy from time to time.  Like any relationship, when you open yourself up, you risk getting hurt.  But how to get through the hard times with a friend is a skill that I am just now learning.

Women can be more complex than men, in my opinion.   Those relationships can support us and carry us through the most difficult times and they also give us the strength to master our own desires and achieve accomplishments because of the influences we gain from our relationships with women.  Our “women” are like safety nets.  They catch us when we fall and hold us up when we barely have the strength to get through life.

Often we emulate the best qualities of one another.   In some ways it can be flattering and in others, quite maddening.   That’s when the competitive catty like behavior can rear it’s ugly head.  I’m right.  Right?  Who hasn’t ever dealt with this?  I think we all have at some point.

It can start out with hair styles, clothes, shoes, hobbies, certain tastes … etc.  The list can go on and on.

Our friendships begin because we have common ground.  We like some of the same things and we learn from each other.  We learn life lessons from our girlfriends.   We love them.  They can drive us crazy, but we love them anyway.  So, it stands to reason that the women we surround ourselves with are going to copy things from us and we are going to copy things from them.  We are each others “muse.”   That’s a beautiful thing in moderation.  Sometimes it gets to be too much.  That’s when you have to remind yourself that perhaps the basis of the relationship IS that you both like the same things and all ideas are going to be shared.  Like it, or not.

So, how do we get through the crazy and keep our friendships in tact?   How can we voice our issues without getting too emotional or worse, holding it all in?   How can we be heard without hurting someone?  When we feel hurt, we begin to guard our heart.   We begin to question our reasoning.   Even worse when we do come out and say what’s bugging us and the reaction is not supportive, walls go up.

Is it okay to tell her, “I’m mad at your right now, but I’ll get over it.  Give me some time?”   Maybe, after awhile you can discuss what you were feeling once you’ve had a chance to heal.  How do women get through the bumpy times without destroying the friendship?

Irene S. Levine, PhD , author of Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup with Your Best Friend (affiliate link) writes: Because of the romanticized way that these relationships are typically depicted in popular culture, women often have unrealistic expectations that their friendships have to be perfect. Yet the reality is that even long-standing friendships require two women to overlook little things, forgive, and make accommodations to each other’s differences and even eccentricities.

Sometimes, the emotions are too deep because the problem has been festering too long.  Instead of discussing our issues, we might lash out or try to explain our feelings but instead either we get defensive or our friend does.  Then it turns ugly and we stop talking all together.  Even when we do see one another, there is that coldness that separates the bond.

Usually neither party knows how to resolve it.   Nobody wants to be rejected so that first move is optional and questionable as to who is going to extend the olive branch first.  Neither wants to be the one to reach out and be bitten.

We cover our hearts and we hold on to our dignity while secretly longing to rekindle the friendship that we miss dearly.  Can’t we just apologize and move forward?

I’m referring to our women friends who know us intimately.  (Not to be confused with sex.)  They’ve been there during our “freak out” moments.  They know our deepest secrets and our likes and dislikes.  We’ve shared so many precious things about our husbands, our children, our fears and joys.  They know our favorite foods, our favorite colors, what kind of books we like to read.  They’ve had a look into our private world just as we have seen into theirs.  It makes us vulnerable.   With that comes a beauty and a history that only time can create.  Isn’t it worth saving?

Some are like a sister that you can have that love/hate thing going. And boy do ya love to hate’m and hate to love them… but you do. ♥  When we set our expectations of our women friendships too high, we are bound to feel disappointed and betrayed.  Yet we do place those relationships on a pedestal because our “women” can be our greatest support system.

We put a great deal of faith in our women relationships.  They are wonderful, aren’t they?   Let’s give each other some slack and forgive.

Yes, we love to be perfectionist.  Yet, who really is perfect?

Maybe each one of us should give a shout out to our women, “I forgive you for not being perfect.  I love you as you are.  Thank you for being in my life.”

Among other things, my article was inspired by this song. 

Look Heart No Hands

I realized that these are kids, with no experience.  It’s got to be terrifying to walk out on stage in front of millions and sing live.  Especially when this is like the first or third time ever singing in front of an audience.   Last year we had Danny Gokey and Adam Lambert who were used to performing.   They brought IT every week.

I think we need to be patient as the contestants get a feel for the stage and watch to see who grows and becomes worthy of the title for 2010.   This is the part where we weed out the ones who need more work.  Last year there were some strong performers.  This year, not so much.

I felt so sorry for Tim Urban when Simon was handing him his head on a platter.  I would like to see Tim stay in for another week or two and see if he can do better with his next songs.   Ellen said she hoped that enough of the girls thought he was cute enough to give him a vote.  Well, I thought he was damned adorable so I gave him a vote.  I think he is worthy of another chance even though Simon said they were correct not to have chosen him to be on the show in the first place.  Tim took the place of another contestant who had to drop out.

So, so tired of hearing about that guy and his wife having a baby.  Get over it.  The limelight has moved.  You’re not the only person in the world to have a child.  Yes, it’s an exciting moment, yes, it’s special to YOU, but we don’t care anymore.  They even told him tonight that he was getting too cocky.  He has a big personality but he kind of gets on my nerves.  I didn’t like him when he auditioned.  Can’t even think of his name at the moment.

I liked Joe Munoz, Arron Kelly, Andrew Garcia, Alex Lambert and Casey James.   I have a feeling Tyler Grady is going home this week.

I felt sorry for Casey when he was singing and the judges were acting like fools during his performance.  He pulled it off though.  I’m glad that Kara told him that he isn’t just all looks but has a good voice and is talented.  He seems like a real sweet guy.  I would love for him to make it all the way.

http://www.lifeevents.org/5-tibetans-energy-rejuvenation-exercises.htm

Here is a new star in development!

Check out her songs.  She’s quite good.  You can also find out more about her here:  http://www.oconnorrecords.com

Shannon is definitely someone I would like to see in the more mainstream media.  I look forward to the day I hear her on the radio or see her walking the red carpet.   It can happen.  I used to listen to Colbie Calait on my space way back before she had her first cd out.  Now she’s well known for her talent.  Shannon, is on her way up!

I see myself mirrored back to me in you.

I see YOU as you do not see yourself.

It is a habit for me to tear myself apart. The wounds of life can be harsh and I am easily obliged to become caught up in a wave of
self loathing.

But when I look at you, listen to you speak, your wounds are sometimes as visible as my own.

Yet I see more.  Beyond the surface.  I see what you don’t see.

I admire qualities in you that you probably don’t realize you have.

Your beauty is so apparent.

I overlook or don’t even notice the faults you hold within your being and in that regard it makes me feel safe.

You don’t have to be perfect.

I accept you when you are in good moods or bad, goofy or sad. I rejoice in your happiness and support you when you are down. When I see your smile and feel you radiating positive energy towards me I tend to focus less on my own short comings and instead accept me for who I am (through your eyes instead of my own), regarding the joy you leave upon my soul with your friendship, your love and the foundation that you bring to my life with the greatest appreciation I have ever experienced.

Your awareness helps me to love myself because you love me, and for knowing you, I am a better person.

My son, who is 19, is living two hours away while he’s in school and now calls me to ask for recipes. It made me think about documenting some of them to pass along to him.

So tonight for dinner we had something I’m calling “Almost Chicken and Dumplings.” I made soup but didn’t want to stand there rolling dough for dumplings so I added a little bit of potato and rice and it gave a really nice texture and flavor. The first time I made this recipe I put in a little too much rice and it turned into a rice dish so I tried it again tonight with less rice. I used 1/4 cup of rice and it was just on the verge of being too thick so next time maybe 1/3 cup of rice will make it just right.

This is a very basic recipe: It’s simple and can be modified – instead of rice, make dumplings if you’re up to it. The rice absorbs the broth, expands and softens. My husband didn’t realize it WAS rice. LOL!

Cook time is going to be two sets of 45 minutes and one set of 20 minutes before it is ready to eat so plan accordingly. It smells wonderful while it’s cooking. Makes you feel all warm and cozy. Great for those cold winter days.

Ingredients:

• One bunch of green onions (about

Leeks are better but seem to be rather expensive these days so I have been using green onions for my soups and they seem to give it the sweetness and taste similar to leeks.

• 2-3 good sized stalks of celery. I also like to use the inside stalks with the leaves as it gives great celery flavor.

Chop fine. I don’t like to bite into celery so the finer the better.

• Fresh garlic. I like a lot of garlic so I use about 4 or 5 cloves crushed in a garlic press.
  

• One 32 oz container of Chicken broth. I use Trader Joe’s Organic Free Range broth because it has a strong flavor and isn’t clear and watery like some brands.

• One teaspoon sea salt

• One teaspoon Poultry seasoning

• One bay leaf
  

• One teaspoon fresh ground pepper corns

• 3 tablespoons butter (you can also use olive oil)
  

Put chopped onions, celery and garlic in pan with butter and saute (stir constantly) just until it starts getting glossy and you can see it is cooked but not browned. Paula Deen says, “Everything tastes better with a stick of butter.” So if you are cooking healthy use the olive oil. If you want the rich sweetness use butter.

Add broth and one cup of water.  (if I have extra broth on hand I substitute by adding an extra cup of broth in place of the water, makes the soup have more flavor.)

Add a handful of chopped parsley, poultry seasoning, salt, pepper and bay leaf.

Bring to boil and add:

• Chicken

I use the boneless chicken breast that I buy at Trader Joe’s in the frozen section.

• Baby Carrots

Small bag or about 2 cups worth

• Potatoes

3-4 small potatoes. Don’t want to cut them too small because they will fall apart. I cut them in half or leave them whole (depends on how small.)

Directions:

Stir and bring to a nice soft boil and then set the stove temperature to low. On my electric stove, I set it to “3′. Cover pot with lid and set timer to 45 minutes. Let the soup simmer with a light boil. Return after 45 minutes to check on soup and stir. Cover again and set the timer for another 45 minutes.

After the second 45 minutes are up, check on the soup. Stir a little then add about 1/3 cup of uncooked long grain rice. You don’t want to add too much rice because it will expand and absorb some of the liquid and adding too much rice will turn your soup into a rice pilaf. So unless you are looking to make rice pilaf, don’t add too much rice. I learned the hard way.

After you add the rice, stir the soup and bring to a boil again. Not a raging boil but a soft boil. Stir once more and then set the burner temperature back to low. #2 or 3 on my stove.

Cover pot and set timer to 20 minutes. Check and stir to see how the rice is cooking after time is up. You don’t want it stuck to the bottom of the pot. It should be cooked after 20 minutes so once it looks done you can add 1 cup of half and half to the soup. You can also use cream but I rarely have it handy. I use half and half for coffee so we usually have it on hand. Milk will work also but be extra careful not to curdle it.

*IMPORTANT: Cream can take boiling, but milk will break. Don’t let the soup come to a boil once the milk is added. Add the milk at the end and just heat it. If it does curdle it will still taste good but will look yucky.

You should have a flavorful, lightly rich chicken soup. The rice gets really soft as it absorbs the juice and will offer the thickness and satisfaction of noodles or dumplings without actually making dumplings. If you are up for it, then make dumplings instead of adding rice. Wild rice would be good too. I’m thinking of adding mushrooms and wild rice. There are many ways to experiment with this basic soup recipe.

The above photo had 1/4 cup of rice added and is thicker.

This time, I used only 1/3 cup of rice and liked it much better. I also cut up the chicken into bite sized pieces after it was cooked.

Bon Appetit!

*One way to save a soup or sauce if you accidentally curdle the milk is to add a binder such as a roux (made from flour and butter) or a slurry (made from cornstarch and water). Add a little as a thickening agent and it should bind the milk so you don’t have the curdles.

I’m not endorsing or getting paid to talk about any products, just mentioning the ones I use because I like them best. Hey, I’m a huge Trader Joe’s fan. They are right in my neighborhood; the employees are always friendly and helpful. I love the familiar, family, local merchant feel. Plus they have great prices! If you go into my kitchen you will see Trader Joe’s brand on just about every food product. I like them. What can I say? You find a product or service you like and you stick with it.  That’s how I roll.

I’ve always felt that a person’s character was their best asset.

My mom used to tell me when I was growing up that you may be able to fool people but God sees everything.  That worked.  I behaved.  LOL!!!  Not because I’m such a good person but because I knew my karma would be affected.  Things we do can often come back to bite us.

Seriously, though.  Character traits have more value for me than a person’s accomplishments.  I’ve known some bad people in high places.  What a person has doesn’t mean much.  It is who the person is, inside that matters.

Having power, wealth, position is a true test of character. Having unlimited choices and opportunities to do what one wishes.  To have power, control,  yet still holding oneself accountable for consequences is a true test of  what a person’s soul is made of.

That’s why I like what my mom used to say about how no matter what you do, God knows the truth.  It doesn’t matter if a person is religious or what higher power they lean towards.  We know the truth within ourselves and we live with ourselves and that knowledge shapes who we are as human beings.  Yes, we can fool people around us but we cannot fool ourselves if we are not truthful and honest, we know it.  This is why it has always been my opinion that a good character is stronger than anything.

This is just something I was thinking about today.

Free photo by Big Stock Photo

I do, however, struggle with certain things that have happened in my life that I had to waste a lot of time getting over and growing beyond the hurt and damage.  In those times I have to be in a constant forgiving sort of mode.  I forgive to release myself from the bondage and the baggage that holds me from the things or thoughts that truly make me happy.  It is so true that it takes less muscles in the face to smile than to frown.  So in that way, it also takes more energy to hold on to hurt and pain than it does to release it and make room for the positive things that life has to offer.  Though, still sometimes I can be guilty of sitting in my own pity pool.  I have to make the effort to forgive in order to move forward but in some cases the forgiveness is a constant process.  It doesn’t mean we forget what happened but we refuse to hurt over it any longer and by letting go of the blame it makes it easier to let go of the pain.

Sometimes I feel way too sensitive. I know, believe me….. I know.

But lately I have felt invisible.

There are times when I feel as though my smile, or my kindness is taken for granted.

I don’t have a sign that says walk on me posted on my forehead either.  Something has been bugging the s**t out of me.

I love my friends and I am grateful to have them in my life…  but there are times… when I would like to talk.

I have things to say too.   I want to participate, not just sit there smiling and nodding. I am more than a listener.   I am patient while they go into detail about kids, husbands, boyfriends,  jobs, school, illnesses, etc.  Long drawn out details.  I hate it when I have to jump in quickly to get a word in edgewise and then get interrupted just because I paused to take a breath of air! This does not happen all the time but lately I have noticed that it has happened on several occasions and with different people.

If I want to say something I have to talk fast and get straight to the point and do it  as quickly as possible before they take back the conversation and I find myself nodding my head just sitting there being talked at.   My neck gets stiff and I start to get a headache. Maybe it takes more effort to listen?  Perhaps even more effort when you are not participating in two way speech.   I’ve been looking towards my own self esteem issues trying to figure out what kind of signal I might be sending.  Things have been tough in my life  but not recently  I’ve felt  much better and moving into a positive direction.  My self esteem should be fine.  Not that I could discuss it.  I don’t get a chance to  talk, remember?  LOL! Anyway.  It’s not with all of my friends that this occurs.  In most settings everything flows naturally, and I really enjoy the company.   Laughter and talking are an ease and all participate equally.

When I am with a friend who goes on and on about themselves giving every mundane detail without any comment from me other than an “ooh or ah or really”; then I begin to consider that my feelings or thoughts don’t matter much to them.   I’m warm and breathing after all.  Should be good enough, huh?  =)  Then I think, why be friends with this person?  I’m friends because I like them and other than monopolizing the conversation, they are pretty nice people.

I wonder if I matter at all to them.  I probably do.  Or maybe not?

Everybody matters, I think. Some folks just don’t notice what they are doing. I always try my best to be considerate; to include everyone and treat all as though they are worthwhile.  I never have my back on anybody when we are in a group.  If I have to move my chair or change my position I will always open up a space for them to join in so that nobody feels outside the group.   I don’t like feeling excluded either, so I try really hard not to do that to anybody.

I really do enjoy listening to people tell funny stories and talk about their life.  I do.  It just feels much better when I also get to share and take part and be listened to. I know I can’t be the only one who has this problem at times.  Do you ever feel invisible in a group or like someone is talking at you instead of with you?  It’s like being a third wheel and I don’t like it one bit.   I can’t really say that I would stop being friends with the offenders because they are not bad people, just a bit inconsiderate and I don’t know the proper way to tell them this.  Why?  Because I’m too damned sensitive and I don’t want to hurt their feelings so I’ll swallow the notion and stew in it.  LOL!!!

It’s not easy being me.

I don’t know if any of my friends read my blog but if you are one of my friends and you think you might be one of the people who talks on and on.  Don’t ask me if you are because I won’t tell you.  But here’s an idea for everyone….  The next time you are visiting with friends be sure that you are not the only one doing the talking.  =)  Spend some time listening too.  Everybody has a better time when they get to interact in the conversation.