Acceptance

November 27, 2009 By 1 Comment

americanriver

I see myself mirrored back to me in you.

I see YOU as you do not see yourself.

It is a habit for me to tear myself apart. The wounds of life can be harsh and I am easily obliged to become caught up in a wave of
self loathing.

But when I look at you, listen to you speak, your wounds are sometimes as visible as my own.

Yet I see more.  Beyond the surface.  I see what you don’t see.

I admire qualities in you that you probably don’t realize you have.

Your beauty is so apparent.

I overlook or don’t even notice the faults you hold within your being and in that regard it makes me feel safe.

You don’t have to be perfect.

I accept you when you are in good moods or bad, goofy or sad. I rejoice in your happiness and support you when you are down. When I see your smile and feel you radiating positive energy towards me I tend to focus less on my own short comings and instead accept me for who I am (through your eyes instead of my own), regarding the joy you leave upon my soul with your friendship, your love and the foundation that you bring to my life with the greatest appreciation I have ever experienced.

Your awareness helps me to love myself because you love me, and for knowing you, I am a better person.

Filed Under: Dream Catcher, Life, Raves, Spiritual, You gotta see this

Soul Value? What is Your Best Asset?

September 22, 2009 By Leave a Comment

The Value of a Person

I’ve always felt that a person’s character was their best asset.

My mom used to tell me when I was growing up that you may be able to fool people but God sees everything.  That worked.  I behaved.  LOL!!!  Not because I’m such a good person but because I knew my karma would be affected.  Things we do can often come back to bite us.

Seriously, though.  Character traits have more value for me than a person’s accomplishments.  I’ve known some bad people in high places.  What a person has doesn’t mean much.  It is who the person is, inside that matters.

Having power, wealth, position is a true test of character. Having unlimited choices and opportunities to do what one wishes.  To have power, control,  yet still holding oneself accountable for consequences is a true test of  what a person’s soul is made of.

That’s why I like what my mom used to say about how no matter what you do, God knows the truth.  It doesn’t matter if a person is religious or what higher power they lean towards.  We know the truth within ourselves and we live with ourselves and that knowledge shapes who we are as human beings.  Yes, we can fool people around us but we cannot fool ourselves if we are not truthful and honest, we know it.  This is why it has always been my opinion that a good character is stronger than anything.

This is just something I was thinking about today.

Free photo by Big Stock Photo

Filed Under: Life, Spiritual Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

Forgiveness

August 13, 2009 By Leave a Comment

This video struck home for me.  I don’t have a lot of things that I hang on to.   I tend to get my feathers ruffled from time to time but I easily forgive and forget and move forward.

I do, however, struggle with certain things that have happened in my life that I had to waste a lot of time getting over and growing beyond the hurt and damage.  In those times I have to be in a constant forgiving sort of mode.  I forgive to release myself from the bondage and the baggage that holds me from the things or thoughts that truly make me happy.  It is so true that it takes less muscles in the face to smile than to frown.  So in that way, it also takes more energy to hold on to hurt and pain than it does to release it and make room for the positive things that life has to offer.  Though, still sometimes I can be guilty of sitting in my own pity pool.  I have to make the effort to forgive in order to move forward but in some cases the forgiveness is a constant process.  It doesn’t mean we forget what happened but we refuse to hurt over it any longer and by letting go of the blame it makes it easier to let go of the pain.

Filed Under: Life, Spiritual Tagged With:

Who is Daniel and why did he arrive with the flying rams?

July 27, 2009 By Leave a Comment

This entry deals with dream interpretation. I want to explore more.

I had a very vivid yet strange dream that I want to write down before I forget it. It puzzled me so much and I could not stop thinking about what it meant.  If felt too real, it has been two days since and I am still wondering if it had any significance to my life.

I was in my living room at our old townhouse. It was morning and the sun was shining. Then all of a sudden darkness came over the sky and I opened my front door and looked up and saw that the night sky was filled with bright clear stars.  The starry sky twinkled so beautifully that I stood there awestruck.  Then I began to see tiny white birds coming from the sky. They looked like white doves but when they started getting closer I noticed that they were not doves but rams. Large white rams with wings. I knew they were rams by the horns. The horns were kind of pinkish orange in color and very pastel against the white of their bodies and large wings that spanned about 5 feet.

The rams began landing all over the ground. I felt a slight fear and noticed that people who had been outside were also becoming alarmed at this unusual event.  Then this man walked up to my door and let himself in. He was handsome with dark hair and gorgeous eyes. He was very familiar but I didn’t know who he was or how I knew him. He walked pass me and sat down on my sofa. His name was Daniel.  I was still standing in my door looking at him, wondering what he was doing here.  I felt strangely and strongly attracted to him and also there was something mysterious and fearful about his presence. I don’t remember if he told me his name or not. But I knew it was Daniel, though how I knew him or what his purpose was, I did not know. I watched him for a moment wondering if he was friend or foe.  Why was he here?  What did he want?

He sat there watching me for a moment, then he sort of smiled, and just as I was about to find out more…. I heard my name being called and I was woken from my dream by my husband who had come to wake me up.   Damn!   Now, I keep wondering what this dream meant.

I want to do some research and see what I can come up with so I’ll probably come back and write some more later if I find out anything on the internet about such things. Just don’t want to forget the details.  Are there angels named Daniel?  What do flying rams mean?  This wasn’t like any dream I’ve had.  It haunts me.  As wierd as this sounds, it feels like some kind of sign.  I’m curious.

Filed Under: Spiritual Tagged With: , , ,

The difference between Joy and Happiness

May 2, 2009 By Leave a Comment

What is the difference between happiness and joy?  Which one would you rather feel?  Which one lasts longer?

No matter how difficult life may be, no matter what trials one is going through, one can still feel joy.  Joy is what lasts no matter what the circumstances are.  We can still have faith no matter what the circumstances.

Faith and hope give me promise of happiness.  It’s existence is there somewhere beyond my grasp.  Sometimes it comes close enough for me to catch it and for a short while I have it.  I’m happy when I meet with friends.  I’m happy when I have enough money to pay my bills.  I’m happy when I’m eating ice cream or doing something fun.

Happiness only lasts for a short time.

Joy is what I feel when I look outside and see the squirrel who lives in the tree outside my window, or the birds.  I feel joy when I think about my son or my family and friends.  Joy feels my heart no matter what circumstance I’m dealing with at the moment.  I can see a lovely view and feel joy.

Joy seems easier to obtain, lasts longer and feels greater than happiness.

May you always have joy in your life.

Filed Under: Life, Spiritual Tagged With: ,

More than ever! The best Christmas in lean times!

December 20, 2008 By Leave a Comment

I’ve been concerned for my dear boy who has it in his head that he must live in a house with no heat (too expensive), with roommates, transferring to a new college and looking for a job and finishing up his semester and final exams here in Sac all at the same time.  Mom isn’t around to help out and with the economy and jobs the way they’re going, I can’t do a lot financially either.  Boy do I feel hopeless sometimes.

He’s excited to be living the grown up life.  Welcome to the real world, kind of living.  Yeah it hits like a ton of bricks.  So as a mom.  I worry.  It’s my job.

I didn’t even know if I would see him for Christmas so I’d already sent his gift down to him.  Christmas felt like it would be just be another ordinary day, but a day when I would feel depressed because it was Christmas Day!!!

This afternoon I got an unexpected surprise when he called to tell me he was on his way from Mountain View to stop by, visit and pick up a few of his things.  YAAAAAAAY!  My little heart went flitter flutter.  Yeah, I’m sappy.  I’ve said so time and time again.

He walked in the door, gave me a big hug and headed for the kitchen.  While I was making him a couple of burritos he was inhaling the pickles, apple juice, anything he could grab on to.  The boy was HUNGRY!

It kills me to see him struggling but that is part of growing up and moving out on one’s own.  I know I went through it.  Very few people have wealthy parents who can afford to finance their kids transition into adulthood.  In a perfect world, maybe.  But in this time when my husband’s job is cutting back their hours from 40 to 20 hours a week.  We’re lucky to have a roof over our head and utilities.  That’s about all we can afford and food is something we have to stretch.

My son is doing well otherwise, he’s been applying for jobs and has some good prospects.  He’s looking for restaurant work.  He’s a full time college student and since he lives with a shitload of roomies, rent is cheap.  He’s got his first serious girlfriend and he is excited about that. Girlfriends do cost money.  He was going to need to get her something nice for Christmas.

Isn’t this a gorgeous?

Newsboy Hat and Scarflette done with Bernat acrylic in Earth and Cozi(chenille like) acrylic in Marbled Taupe as the trim. The Earth color is a dark brown with bumps in creams and golds, Very beautiful and the marbled taupe is a perfect trim, as you will agree. This is simply breath-taking.

Lucky for us, my mom has a nice store on Etsy and she allows us to shop at a HUGE, discount.  Basically, she gives us what we would enjoy having.  So, tonight my son and I went shopping for his girlfriends Christmas gift.  He chose a really nice copper necklace.  Then my mom asked me if I wanted to pick something out for myself and I picked out a beautiful Lacy Agate and Copper necklace and a pair of Copper earrings.

I almost picked this:

I had my eye on it for some time.  But when I held the other necklace in my hand and looked at the stone, I was in love with it.  I wish I had a photo, but she took it down from her store.  <sorry

Thank God for Moms!

Since we have been in such a bind Christmas this year has been lean.  I’ve put up very little in decorations other than my candles and I do play Christmas music and we’ve been watching Christmas shows and movies so we are not completely void of holiday spirit.  We have it in our hearts this year instead of our wallets.

We have enjoyed holiday get togethers with friends.  So, we’ve been celebrating.  It’s just the big day that I wasn’t looking forward to.  Kind of like a build up to a let down.

Last night I was thinking that perhaps by volunteering somewhere is what people do to lift the mood.  I didn’t want to have a boring, Christmas day with little or no activity.  It’s one thing to watch TV during the holiday but ON THE HOLIDAY I need something more.

I asked my mom what she would think if we volunteered at the VFW to cook Christmas dinner and serve the veterans who have no place to go.  I know they do this at our post every Christmas and Thanksgiving and on Thanksgiving they served over 80 dinners.   I didn’t know how it would be received but my family WANTS to do this and is looking forward to it.  I am JAZZED!!!!!  I think I am looking forward to this Christmas more than I have ever in a long time.  There will be music, and the smell of baked hams and all the fix-ins.  We don’t have to purchase the food, but we get to enjoy cooking it and serving it and visiting with people.  It’s going to be fun.  I’ve always enjoyed the times that I have cooked dinners or volunteered at other post activities. (I’m a life member of the Ladies Auxiliary)  You get lost in the camaraderie and the festivities and the work, it’s not really work at all.

So I called today and volunteered us.  It happens that the person who they were depending on is in the hospital and they will need the extra help.  My son, who hardly ever goes anywhere with us, is even planning on helping.  Hell!  I’m excited he was even planning to be home for Christmas!  I guess when they move out, our kids actually miss us.  =)  He’s going to be home for the holidays.

Yes, it’s going to be a very Merry Christmas this year!

I would not have expected that during a time when we are all struggling that I would be anticipating the good times ahead.  But I am.  More than ever!

Filed Under: Life, Raves, Spiritual Tagged With: , , , ,

Over the river and through the woods

December 17, 2008 By 2 Comments

We spent Thanksgiving with friends in Oregon this year.  It was a relaxing 4 days in Oregon away from the city life.  The ladies had a spa day with massages while the men went off to ride go-carts.  We had smoked turkey that was the best I’ve ever had.  We played pinball, pool, sat in the hot tub, sang karaoke, played cards, laughed, and talked.  It was so nice.

Something I really needed.

Thank you C & D for having us.

Filed Under: Dream Catcher, Life, Redeeming, Spiritual

Pet Names

November 19, 2008 By Leave a Comment

My cat’s name is Buddy, but I doubt that I have ever called him by his name. To me he is Boopy, Boopty-doo, BooBoo or Boopty-doopty.

My pet name for my sister was Tootie.

For me, the pet name that I called my sister was just like when I call out to my precious kitty cat that I love so much. I don’t call out, “Buddy.” I call out with affection, “Where’s my Boopy?” Sappy, I know. <sigh> That’s just the way I am.

I no longer call my sister Tootie but sometimes I call her the “Pootin Lady” and she gets so MAD! LOL!

Pet names are given to those who remain the closest to our hearts.

Filed Under: Life, Spiritual Tagged With: , ,

I'm a gusher!

November 11, 2008 By Leave a Comment
Your Primary Mythical Creature
Water Types
This is probably why I have always felt the need to have access to bodies of water. I don’t think I have ever lived beyond a few hours drive of the ocean in my life. When I think about the states in the middle of the USA, I often feel this dreadful feeling of being boxed in. I’m sure they have lakes and rivers that if I were to live there, I would go to, but there is just something about the ocean that relaxes me. The sound of the seagulls, the salty air, the waves crashing along the shore or onto the rocks. It mesmerizes my spirit and frees my mind.
When I lived in San Francisco I would often take my lunch hour and get a sandwich and drive down and sit in my car facing the ocean while I ate my lunch. It relaxed me. Then I’d head back to the office.
Now that I live in Sacramento, it takes an hour and a half drive to get there from here. I moved to Sac because the cost of living was cheaper but I do miss the bay.
I do have a huge aquarium in my living room. =) Oh, and candles. I MUST have candles. The mood of the room feels so good when there are candles. My husband drives me crazy because he could sit in his recliner in the dark with just the tv going. Sometimes I wonder what the hell I’m doing with this guy because we have NOTHING in common. It frustrates the shit out of me. We are like night and day. He’s a good man though and treats me exceptionally well. I probably am more of a pain in the ass to live with than he is. He thinks I’m silly with my candles.
The main strength of the Water types is feeling. The second element indicates the most probable focus for this emotional expression.
Emotional? Am I emotional? LOL!!! I run on emotions baby! I drive myself and everyone around me crazy with my emotional ups and downs.
Chimera
Water with Fire
Astrologically associated with Cancer and the Fourth House
Chimera types are motivated to achieve and maintain emotional closeness between themselves and those they are close to. They are among the most outgoing of all the types. They have a strong sense of community harmony and cooperation. They are devoted to their family whether this is an actual family or a specially chosen group of like-minded individuals.
This is true. I may not always see eye to eye with my relatives but I do consider my friends as my family. They have been with me more over the years than my relatives have.
They thrive in company and are rarely alone.
I do like my alone time though, but even when I am secluded on my computer, I have many online friends who keep me company.
They find personal fulfillment in supportive nurturing and caring roles but they emphasize self-reliance for all. They are intensely protective of those they love and are both perceptive and intuitive regarding their needs. They can seem at times to be in a world of their own because of a capacity for reflection. They are very emotionally expressive which can seem like “gushing” to other more restrained types.
Yeah, I gush.
I found the quiz on Llewellyn’s website.

The Magical Personality Quiz

Filed Under: Just for fun, Spiritual

A Politically Correct Attitude Adjustment

October 19, 2008 By Leave a Comment

POLITICS! I hate politics.

Everywhere.

The office, the club, family, friends. Any organization has politics.

You can’t escape it.

There’s always a pecking order. It’s nice to be at the top but we all experience different levels. Often finding ourselves knocked on our ass.

I asked a friend of mine the other day how she deals with the politics of an organization we both belong to. Helen (not her real name) is always confident and carries on with her volunteer work unscathed by anything that’s going on with the political powers that be.

I am a *Life Member and have been with this organization for years. Some years we have officers who are wonderful, intelligent, thoughtful and gracious human beings who bring value and some years we have officers who are small minded people who do nothing but turn the place upside down. These are the times when I just want to throw my hands up in the air and say, “I quit!” “Who voted for these people?!!!!!”

It feels like they are working against me instead of with me.

Why?

Because if you do something and you do it well, there are always going to be some folks who want to see you fail. They’ll help you do it too!

I get fed up with that mentality sometimes and it eats away at me.

You may have noticed that I have to work REALLY HARD to stay positive. It doesn’t come naturally. It’s easier to be lazy and let the negative stuff occupy my head than to make an effort to think about the good things, to ground myself and force the negative stuff to leave my mind.

So I asked Helen how she does it. She told me that if she allowed what people say about her to affect her, she’d go crazy. LOL! She keeps in mind the people who need our services and why we do this. Our work is important outside of ourselves. She says to hell with the rest. She does what she does.

Good advice.

Well obviously, I’m allowing it to affect me and I’m going crazy. =) I think I go through this cycle every few years with this organization. I am the editor of their quarterly newsletter and the web site administrator so I am very much involved and I do my job well. There is a very small handful of people who are not happy about it and do not wish me success but if I worry about what they think then it’s making me hate what I do and I LOVE what I do. I should do what I do and to hell with the rest. Right?

My work is important to those who are in need of our services. I know that. (But still need to be reminded) It’s outside of my ego. But I still allowed other peoples’ insecurity to stimulate MY desire to be accepted and appreciated. I’m NOT the important one here, my work IS. I can be such an idiot when I let people get to me.

Helen is right. She’s the person I always go to when I need to whine. She always sets me straight and gets me back on my path. It’s important to have someone like Helen in our lives to pull us back or slap us silly when we begin to blubber. (I don’t mean that literally.) <grin>

I watched Sarah Palin on SNL and was thinking about how I even ranted about her. I gotta hand my respect to that woman for facing up to all of the crap everyone has thrown her way.

Politics are just plain nasty. It doesn’t matter if it’s at home, your workplace, organizations you belong to or your group of friends. It can get ugly and it takes a real strong, confident person to take it all with a grain of salt and let it roll right off their backs. I admire that in a person and I am going to work towards being that kind of person.

I’m still a supporter of Obama for President but I have to admit, I’m likin’ Sarah a lot more as a person. I thought she did well on Saturday Night Live. Yay! Sarah! You go girl!

* Life membership was gifted to me for all of my work for this organization. I am honored to have received this and the last thing I should do is second guess myself, but it happens. =)

Filed Under: Life, Redeeming, Spiritual Tagged With: , ,
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