Relate… and suddenly you are swimming in the waters of unification.
I often find that when something is nagging at me…… hurting my heart….. the universe sends an answer.
But, what happens when all of that relating begins to break down – when we start to feel the threat of a history unraveling? Gradually (or suddenly, in some cases), we begin to feel things differently: maybe we’re not being heard or feeling misunderstood, there are lapses in communication and not as much time spent together… what exactly is it that moves the relationship to this next, almost inevitable, phase? Time? Personal growth? Geographical distance? Most likely, if we look more closely, we can see it has been brewing for longer than we may care to see. And it is perhaps here we see the cold, hard fact —truly: “nothing lasts forever”.
I began this post almost a year ago. Thus the reason I’ve neglected this blog.
“Mean girls, mean girls, whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do when they come for you?” Yeah, it’s the “chick stuff.”
A year ago…. there was too much pain for me to write what I was feeling. I’m a direct communicator. There’s very little beating around the bush or “coding” my dialog trying to mask what I really want to say. Feeling muffled, duct tape over my mouth. Frozen. Is it okay to be honest? Some are more skilled at hiding behind a facade. My truth bleeds through. Perfectly flawed for your entertainment.
For this reason it is difficult for me to write at times when I should probably be writing the most. Writing is playing the heart strings of my emotions. My heart speaks and my fingers type. You know where I stand. And to be honest, I have a lot more respect for anybody who can really be open with what is on their mind even if it “ain’t” pretty. It’s real! I can spot insincerity like a blood hound to a rabbit. Those who can become unfeelingly diplomatic, cold and with no real connection to anything, just bland. On the straight and narrow path to nothingness. My emotions are the colors to my soul. I thrive to experience, to acknowledge and to accept my many flavors with unrelenting passion.
I had just returned from a girls weekend with my beloved friends. Feeling disappointed and betrayed. One person spent the weekend berating several women who were not there. By the end of the trip she had convinced the majority that we should exclude them from future gatherings and reluctantly I agreed even though every part of me knew it was wrong. I later chose to let go of that group and join the ones who were exiled. Thus relegating myself to be banned and unfriended from that group. I did refer to them as mean girls and they were offended. Yet, it really was only one person who instigated this mess. She was the mean girl, not the rest. I regret that it came to the group splitting into two groups. I wish that we were all still as close as we once were and maybe one day we can be. Losing them was painful.
I was feeling the reflex of my senses when I originally wrote this post and over time have published and unpublished this. I really needed to get this out of my system and when I held back, it stifled my ability to write honestly. I had to be honest with myself and not be afraid to express it even though it is unpleasant. Perhaps you, dear reader, can relate. Relationships can get rocky and even though we want to hang on to the memory of the good times. People come into our lives for a reason, sometimes only for a season and there are those who are steadfast and survive the ups and downs and there are those that don’t. It is what it is.
I’ve unclogged my blog. Hitting publish now!
