The difference between Joy and Happiness

What is the difference between happiness and joy?  Which one would you rather feel?  Which one lasts longer?

No matter how difficult life may be, no matter what trials one is going through, one can still feel joy.  Joy is what lasts no matter what the circumstances are.  We can still have faith no matter what the circumstances.

Faith and hope give me promise of happiness.  It’s existence is there somewhere beyond my grasp.  Sometimes it comes close enough for me to catch it and for a short while I have it.  I’m happy when I meet with friends.  I’m happy when I have enough money to pay my bills.  I’m happy when I’m eating ice cream or doing something fun.

Happiness only lasts for a short time.

Joy is what I feel when I look outside and see the squirrel who lives in the tree outside my window, or the birds.  I feel joy when I think about my son or my family and friends.  Joy feels my heart no matter what circumstance I’m dealing with at the moment.  I can see a lovely view and feel joy.

Joy seems easier to obtain, lasts longer and feels greater than happiness.

May you always have joy in your life.

Farewell Marbob!

Your moving?  Wow!  I didn’t see this coming.  We are going to MISS you both.  Even though we didn’t see you all the time, you are our what I would call the “staples” of our friends.  You know, like when you have ingredients in your cupboards.  You can have a mixture of ingredients, a variety of foods but you always have your staples.  Flour, milk, eggs.  You need those in just about everything.

Your going to leave behind an empty spot in our lives.  I don’t think karaoke will be the same.  The Caje (OTR) definitely won’t be the same without you.  I doubt we’ll ever go there again.  No more Halloween parties with you.  <sigh>

We had many good times together.

Change is a good thing even though at times it drags us kicking and screaming along it’s path.  =)  This past year I have had to change from having a kid around the house to having my son graduate high school and move out on his own to a different town.  We’ve moved from our townhouse to a smaller apartment to save money.  I’m looking for a new job.  I’ve even developed some friendships with women who are more in tune to my personality and are mine alone, not couples.

Times they are a changin.   I’ve even grabbed on to Walt Disney’s motto -  Keep Moving Forward!  After watching the movie, Meet the Robinsons.  Whenever I feel overwhelmed or stuck, I say it out loud.  Keep moving forward!  Keep moving forward!

So, my dear friends, I will miss you terribly but I am so happy that you are doing something that you will love and I wish you all the happiness life has to offer.

Moving

I haven’t felt like writing much lately.  I’m fighting off depression and anxiety.  The anxiety hits me mostly at night when my mind just keeps trying to work out plans and things I need or want to do.  I tell myself to relax.  This is a time to rest.  Think about that tomorrow.  You’ve got all day…. but still, the mind keeps going, thinking, worrying, stressing.

My husband was laid off again from his job and we felt the best thing to do was to put most of our belongings in storage and downsize to a one bedroom apartment until things get better.  This does take a tremendous amount of stress off of us.  The thing about moving that really made me sad was that we had lived in our town house for six years and it was the place where my son lived with us until he grew up and moved out on his own.  Moving was going to permanently take away the feeling of walking passed his old bedroom, of having his room available should he decide he needed to move back.  I was sad.

This new apartment is nice.  It’s small but I do have a gorgeous view from my bedroom window just where I set up my desk.

We are somewhat settled in to the new place but still have some unpacking to do and still some stuff that will need to go to storage.  This place is small.  I do love the kitchen though, it is an open floor plan and I also got a new stove when we moved in.  I think I’ll like it here.

Nothingness

Sometimes I feel like I’ve hit the wall.  I get frustrated and angry with myself for not achieving goals and dreams that I set for myself.  Major frustration!  Anxiety creeps up and knocks me down.  During these times I sulk and feel so helpless.  Isolating. I don’t call my friends, even when they leave messages.  It’s like my dialing finger is parylized.  I can’t talk to people.  I don’t want to talk to people.

I want to curl up and savor the nothingness. Get lost in a movie or a book; eat ice cream.

I need a date with Cherry Garcia.

Feeding the beast

The other day I wrote about how I felt conflicted about writing in my blog because I have days when I am not feeling so nice. Wow…. leave it to the universe to bring an answer when you need it.

An old Cherokee was teaching his grandchildren about life.
He said to them, “A battle is raging inside me … it is a terrible fight between two wolves.
One wolf represents fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority and ego.
The other stands for joy, peace, love, hope, sharing, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.”
The old man fixed the children with a firm stare. “This same fight is going on inside you, and inside every other person, too.”
They thought about it for a minute and then one child asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”

The old Cherokee replied: “The one you feed.”

Wise!  Very wise advice.

Friendships

Author Kelly Corrigan wrote this moving essay about women’s remarkable capacity to support each other, to laugh together, and to endure. The full text is available in the paperback edition of her memoir,The Middle Place, on sale December 23, 2008.

The Middle Place

This essay reminds me of the friendships that I have developed over the years.  Growing up as a military brat, we moved about every 2 years so I was unable to develop longstanding relationships. Though I do have to point out that the bonds of the military families that I grew up with were strong.  It was that we had to leave them that was painful and many lost touch with us.  I do have a couple of friends from my childhood but not many.  It wasn’t until I lived here in the same town for the last 20 years that I have friendships that have lasted as long.

Some people have come and gone in my life.  I”ve missed them but for whatever reason our paths took a different direction.  Others have stayed as we traveled on our journey.  New friends have also emerged and brought with them a refreshing twist as I learned new things and adapted them to my lifestyle.   We have raised out kids together and we have gone through empty nest together.  Illnesses, births, deaths and so on.

I belong to a group of women friends who get together once a month just to hang out, drink wine, eat fine dishes brought by everyone.  We sometimes have a theme, sometimes we just talk but it is always a delight and I leave feeling great and the feeling lingers for a long time.  I am so grateful to be included in such fine company.

I was truly touched by the essay because it expresses my feelings in a way I could never have put into words, but it is the way my heart sings when I think of the people in my life who mean so much.

Just visiting

My son called today to let me know he’d be home this weekend.

He lives about 2 hours away with 7 room mates.  They don’t use the heater.  He says it gets so cold in the house he can see his breath.

I asked him how he likes living on his own.

He told me that never in his life did he appreciate his “home” and the meals I prepare.

It’s nice to have him visit.  =)

Love

Its in the Bible, Corinthians 13:4-7, TLB but I heard it read in a movie one time and it really struck me.

Love is very patient and kind, never jealous or envious, never boastful or proud, never haughty or selfish or rude.  Love does not demand its own way.  It is not irritable or touchy.  It does not hold grudges and will hardly even notice when others do it wrong.  It is never glad about injustice, but rejoices whenever truth wins out.

This is so true and yet, I know for a fact that I have been guilty of doing it wrong?

  • Boastful or proud (guilty)
  • Selfish or rude (guilty)
  • Demanding my own way (guilty)
  • Irritable or touchy (double guilty)
  • Holding grudges (hate to admit it, but I do that sometimes, yes…. guilty)
  • Hardly even notices when others do it wrong (oh, I notice)
  • Glad about injustice (if something bad happened to someone I loved, I would not be happy about it.)
  • Rejoices when truth wins out (I’m happy when that happens)

So basically I’ve been doing it wrong.  Yet, there are people in my life who still love me.  Wow, I sure am lucky.  =)

More than ever! The best Christmas in lean times!

I’ve been concerned for my dear boy who has it in his head that he must live in a house with no heat (too expensive), with roommates, transferring to a new college and looking for a job and finishing up his semester and final exams here in Sac all at the same time.  Mom isn’t around to help out and with the economy and jobs the way they’re going, I can’t do a lot financially either.  Boy do I feel hopeless sometimes.

He’s excited to be living the grown up life.  Welcome to the real world, kind of living.  Yeah it hits like a ton of bricks.  So as a mom.  I worry.  It’s my job.

I didn’t even know if I would see him for Christmas so I’d already sent his gift down to him.  Christmas felt like it would be just be another ordinary day, but a day when I would feel depressed because it was Christmas Day!!!

This afternoon I got an unexpected surprise when he called to tell me he was on his way from Mountain View to stop by, visit and pick up a few of his things.  YAAAAAAAY!  My little heart went flitter flutter.  Yeah, I’m sappy.  I’ve said so time and time again.

He walked in the door, gave me a big hug and headed for the kitchen.  While I was making him a couple of burritos he was inhaling the pickles, apple juice, anything he could grab on to.  The boy was HUNGRY!

It kills me to see him struggling but that is part of growing up and moving out on one’s own.  I know I went through it.  Very few people have wealthy parents who can afford to finance their kids transition into adulthood.  In a perfect world, maybe.  But in this time when my husband’s job is cutting back their hours from 40 to 20 hours a week.  We’re lucky to have a roof over our head and utilities.  That’s about all we can afford and food is something we have to stretch.

My son is doing well otherwise, he’s been applying for jobs and has some good prospects.  He’s looking for restaurant work.  He’s a full time college student and since he lives with a shitload of roomies, rent is cheap.  He’s got his first serious girlfriend and he is excited about that. Girlfriends do cost money.  He was going to need to get her something nice for Christmas.

Isn’t this a gorgeous?

Newsboy Hat and Scarflette done with Bernat acrylic in Earth and Cozi(chenille like) acrylic in Marbled Taupe as the trim. The Earth color is a dark brown with bumps in creams and golds, Very beautiful and the marbled taupe is a perfect trim, as you will agree. This is simply breath-taking.

Lucky for us, my mom has a nice store on Etsy and she allows us to shop at a HUGE, discount.  Basically, she gives us what we would enjoy having.  So, tonight my son and I went shopping for his girlfriends Christmas gift.  He chose a really nice copper necklace.  Then my mom asked me if I wanted to pick something out for myself and I picked out a beautiful Lacy Agate and Copper necklace and a pair of Copper earrings.

I almost picked this:

I had my eye on it for some time.  But when I held the other necklace in my hand and looked at the stone, I was in love with it.  I wish I had a photo, but she took it down from her store.  <sorry

Thank God for Moms!

Since we have been in such a bind Christmas this year has been lean.  I’ve put up very little in decorations other than my candles and I do play Christmas music and we’ve been watching Christmas shows and movies so we are not completely void of holiday spirit.  We have it in our hearts this year instead of our wallets.

We have enjoyed holiday get togethers with friends.  So, we’ve been celebrating.  It’s just the big day that I wasn’t looking forward to.  Kind of like a build up to a let down.

Last night I was thinking that perhaps by volunteering somewhere is what people do to lift the mood.  I didn’t want to have a boring, Christmas day with little or no activity.  It’s one thing to watch TV during the holiday but ON THE HOLIDAY I need something more.

I asked my mom what she would think if we volunteered at the VFW to cook Christmas dinner and serve the veterans who have no place to go.  I know they do this at our post every Christmas and Thanksgiving and on Thanksgiving they served over 80 dinners.   I didn’t know how it would be received but my family WANTS to do this and is looking forward to it.  I am JAZZED!!!!!  I think I am looking forward to this Christmas more than I have ever in a long time.  There will be music, and the smell of baked hams and all the fix-ins.  We don’t have to purchase the food, but we get to enjoy cooking it and serving it and visiting with people.  It’s going to be fun.  I’ve always enjoyed the times that I have cooked dinners or volunteered at other post activities. (I’m a life member of the Ladies Auxiliary)  You get lost in the camaraderie and the festivities and the work, it’s not really work at all.

So I called today and volunteered us.  It happens that the person who they were depending on is in the hospital and they will need the extra help.  My son, who hardly ever goes anywhere with us, is even planning on helping.  Hell!  I’m excited he was even planning to be home for Christmas!  I guess when they move out, our kids actually miss us.  =)  He’s going to be home for the holidays.

Yes, it’s going to be a very Merry Christmas this year!

I would not have expected that during a time when we are all struggling that I would be anticipating the good times ahead.  But I am.  More than ever!

Over the river and through the woods

We spent Thanksgiving with friends in Oregon this year.  It was a relaxing 4 days in Oregon away from the city life.  The ladies had a spa day with massages while the men went off to ride go-carts.  We had smoked turkey that was the best I’ve ever had.  We played pinball, pool, sat in the hot tub, sang karaoke, played cards, laughed, and talked.  It was so nice.

Something I really needed.

Thank you C & D for having us.